Negative body Images

I consider myself to be a pretty self confident woman. I know what my assets are and magazines constantly tell me how to hide the parts I don't like as well. Over the last 18 months, due to my fybromyalgia, I have changed my lifestyle to a fully vegan diet and a mandatory excercise program. I also have developed some serious food allergies. The side effect being that I have lost almost 50 lbs.
When I was at a weight I was not comfortable with I always told myself "when I am a size_ or when I weigh_ then clothes shopping will be easier, I'll be happier with myself in the 3 way mirror"  And I would go home and eat lettuce for 3 days until I got discouraged and I would be right back to eating whatever my kids ate.
I am currently a size I haven't seen sine I was 21 and still losing. (When all you can eat is vegetables and an occasional whole grain you melt like a candle) Yesterday I went to the mall because every pair of jeans is falling off of me. And all my lingerie is looking like I'm a child playing dress up, way to big and ill fitting. So I tried on jeans after jeans and hated all of them. TThis one gaps at the back, this one is to long, this one makes my butt look flat and non existant instead of round and cute. Some were to big and some were to small. But I found myself using the same negative self talk as always. Just criticizing different things. Before I loved my boobs but hated my love handles, now no love handles but practically no boobs anymore either, lol. (don't you wish you could designate where youu lose weight?" Dear God, please take 5 pounds off my thighs and add them to my boobs!")
I had a epiphany as I was standing looking in a mirror at my back side and got mad at myself because that particular pair of jeans gave me a muffintop. It was the exact same self talk I have used countless times before. The whole "well if you would lay off the brownies you could fit" but I realized what I was doing to myself mentally. Frustrating isn't it? We change externally but the internal doesn't always keep up.
I am aware that there are women out there thinking oh poor little skinny girl, that I should not complain because I am small now. But I have not been small as an adult(well, briefly while on Weight Watchers but then I got pregnant) and I don't yet think of myself as a skinny girl. When picking out clothes I tend to buy those same styles. Ruching will cover up my tummy, v necks will draw attention away from my chunkier middle, you know the drill. We are inundated with information on how to cover our body flaws. But I don't need those accomadations now and could be buying different styles and yet I haven't.
Long story short my epiphany was that I have to stop the negative self talk and start focusing on the positives at home before I am facing myself in the 3 way mirror. Accepting ourselves is one hell of a challenge though isn't it?
I am going to look at myself in the mirror at home and focus my eyes on the good parts instead of staring at the negatives. I am going to cut myself some slack over the cellulite on the backs of my thighs and my poor little boobies that look like deflated balloons. I am  going to realize that every BODY has flaws and that id just fine. Or at least I am going to try:) And I better get crackin' cuz swimsuit season is quickly approaching and my first thought is "no one wants to see that!"