My Favorite Cowboy

When I was 20 years old I knew this cowboy, he held my heart in his hands. From the top of his tiny little hat to the tip of his tiny little boots, I was completely his. He loved Woody from Toy Story and when we went anywhere he would tip his hat to every passing female and say,"Howdy yittle yady!" with a big sunny smile. 2 years later I was at a loss as to where my sunny smiles little cowboy had gone. 19 years today I have walked around with my heart outside of my body. I have subjected my heart to the first day of kindergarten when his eyes filled with tears when I left. I gritted my teeth at the fear of him driving away on the bus to summer camp. I yelled and screamed and fought for him as years of doctors visits left us wondering why?? Where did my happy little sunny smiles cowboy go? But absolutely and completely I have found joy in being his mama all 19 of those years. The last year I have watched him take leaps and bounds towards independence and his future. Steps I wasn't sure he would ever take. I am thankful that I was given me this amazing child who would push me to be more then I thought I could be. That it is me who has had the opportunity to watch him struggle, fail, succeed, strive. That it is me who has had to push him, comfort him and most of all love him especially on days when he wasn't so loveable. I am a mama. And I am blessed with a child with special needs.